Prominent Nipple – A Poem

What is that I see?

It can’t be….

Nought but a prominent nipple!

 

I say to my wife,

“Is that there to stay?

It didn’t used to look like that –

It was normal yesterday!”

 

“It doesn’t bother me” she says.

“And I believe there’s nothing we can do”.

But I respond by saying

“I’d prefer if it was on you!”

Windy Crevice – A Poem

I was walking in the Grand Canyon

Far down below,

When the air grew a bit cooler

And the wind started to blow.

 

I wrapped my arms around me

And pulled up my hood,

I picked up my pace

As quickly as I could.

 

It was starting to get dark

So I went to make my ascent,

And hoped that all that wind

Had not blown away my tent!

 

But a rather wide crevice

Gaped at me to my right –

The wind tugged me inside,

Taking me deeper into the blackening night.

A Good Scrub – A Poem

I’m feeling very hungry,

What shall I have for dinner?

Maybe a quick lentil loaf –

That could be a winner!

 

Smiling, I grab the ingredients;

Oats, tomatoes, lentils….

And frolic around the kitchen

Picking out the suitable utensils.

 

With the ingredients prepared

In the blender they are thrown,

And I feel quite proud of myself

Because for once I’m cooking alone.

 

I hold the blender in both hands

As if I’m throwing pottery,

And then move one hand to the cupboard

To reach for some crockery.

 

But I quickly begin to lose control

Of the blender as it rocks around,

And before I can even mutter a curse

It falls with a mighty crash to the ground.

 

My mouth wide open with shock,

Splattered all over me is my grub,

All I want to do now

Is strip off and have a good scrub!

Reveal Alls – A Poem

I work at a garage

With three of my friends,

Guess what we fixed today?

Only a Mercedes Benz!

 

But my friends keep saying

“What’s wrong with you, John?

We’re all wearing overalls,

Why can’t you put some on?

 

But they all look so sweaty –

I much prefer my reveal alls.

They’re lighter and easier to move in,

And great for when nature calls!

 

I sometimes even wear a tie

Which I like to pull up tight,

Though I keep this to a minimum,

Because it gives some customers a fright!

Trundle Wheel – A Poem

I like to go for long walks

With my trundle wheel,

To measure the distance I’ve covered

You don’t believe me, but it’s real!

 

Humming as I go,

I leave thin dusty trails

I’m always on a mission,

But usually it fails.

 

It’s so easy to get distracted….

Click, click, click,

I only look up for a second

But my wheel jolts off a stick!

 

Dammit! Now I must go

Right back to the start

But from the point I began,

I am now so far apart.

Tangled – A Poem

Tangled amongst the sheets

With your tongue, you lick my nose.

I use my foot to scratch your leg

And feel your unshaven hair between my toes.

 

Sometimes you can be a bit fierce –

Why? I’ve got no clue.

But the best thing about us

Is that we never argue.

 

Sometimes you bite me a bit hard,

But I will still love you till the end.

They were not lying when they said

That “a dog is a man’s best friend”.

Today’s Meals – A Poem

I had some spiced potato piecesĀ 

For my lunch today,

But found a chewy wedge

So then threw them away.

Roast dinner was delicious,

In the gravy – a nutritious lump

But it must have been full of fibre

Because it made me need a dump!

My family finished the cake

That we’d been having for our puddings,

So all that I was left with

Was a load of old stale scrapings.